Sunday, February 7, 2010

When is enough, enough??

My husband and I have been together for 7 1/2 years. In that time we have seen grandparents die, friends move away, hardships of an economy, marriage of friends and of course the birth of our beautiful daughter.

Zach and I too have recently found the Lord. We make this the foundation of our marriage and the way we live our life. I guess it just felt right at the moment we knew we wanted to farm because a lot of time farming and God go hand in hand. This is what makes decisions in our life so much harder.

We have a very strained relationship with his parents. Although I prefer not to into detail (plus it would take me hours), Zach and I have finally said "enough". But leading up to this time has been many arguments between us, morals compromised, and sadness. We have a great marriage and I'm so blessed to have him in my life but dealing with issues with his parents, brings out a lot of negativity in us because they "just do that to people".

So my blog today was: How do you know when enough is enough and its time to walk away? I'm writing this because it has taken us 7 years in the making to answer that, and it has loomed over us for too long. I think for me the turning point was when my daughter became involved. When I felt like she was being used for my in-laws to get what they want, it was time to step back and see what was going on. After much praying (MUCH PRAYING), we feel that the best and safest thing for our family is to not associate with them. I know many families deal with in-law issues and its hard. In a way you feel guilty, but then in another way you feel relieved. I wish things were different, but I accept the things I cannot change.....its taken me years to finally say this. And please know I am not writing this looking for sympathy, for I am not sorry, sad, or even mad at this point. I accept this issue in my life and we choose as a family to remove it before it does further damage.
I hope someone finds to courage to accept the things in their life they cannot change. Its a comfortable place, a familiar place for some. Its a place where you can be yourself and focus on your dreams. Its a place where people do not judge and no one is critical. Its a place I choose to be......and maybe you one day too.

6 comments:

  1. My husband is very good at accepting what cannot be changed. It doesn't mean he ignores his dreams, he just doesn't worry about what he cannot control. I struggle more with that, but I'm learning from him. :) I have found that faith helps a lot. That being said, my own family is full of "issues" and at one point I felt as though my children were going to be hurt in the process of the "games". My pastor suggested I take the path that would give me the least regrets. It has worked for me and I have peace that I know my siblings don't have. (Of course, that could be related to other things as well.)

    -Peace

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  2. It is always difficult when you are dealing with family, especially with parents. Some times relationships are not meant to be even with parents. It says a lot about their behavior if they are now bring the grandkids into it. Do what is best for your family. If a relationship is meant to be than it will happen, if not it won't. The hard part is explaining to the kids in a way that is appropriate for them, remember they are not adults and these are their grandparents.

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  3. Thanks guys. It really helps to hear what you have to say and makes our decision...stamped and sealed.
    I truly believe in forgiveness, and I forgive them for the things that they do and will not change. But that doesnt mean I need to be a part of it or my family.
    A part of me feels sorry for them because they will never see the things we will.Madeline will grow up 3 mins from them and they will miss it all. I know they will never change. Its not their style, but we have and we are stronger for it. :)

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  5. MY CHRISTIAN ADVICE IS TO PRAY FOR THEIR SALVATION ..... ARE THEY IN THE LORD ? THERE ARE SCRIPTURES THAT SPEAK OF "NOT PEACE BUT DIVISION" IN LUKE CHAPTER 12:49-53 STATE ,"I HAVE COME TO BRING FIRE ON THE EARTH, AND HOW I WISH IT WERE ALREADY KINDLED.BUT I HAVE A BAPTISM TO UNDERGO, AND HOW DISTRESSED I AM UNTIL IT IS COMPLETED ! DO YOU THINK I CAME TO BRING PEACE ON THE EARTH ? NO , I TELL YOU , BUT DIVISION. FROM NOW ON THERE WILL FIVE IN ONE FAMILY DIVIDED AGAINST EACH OTHER, THREE AGAINST TWO AND TWO AGAINST THREE. THEY WILL BE DIVIDED, FATHER AGAINST SON AND SON AGAINST FATHER, MOTHER AGAINST DAUGHTER AND DAUGHTER AGAINST MOTHER, MOTHER-IN-LAW AGAINST DAUGHTER-IN-LAW AND DAUGHTER-IN-LAW AGAINST MOTHER-IN-LAW." THIS IS NOT EASY ON THE HEART OR MIND AND IT IS EVEN MORE OF A BURDEN FOR US WHO ARE IN THE LORD BUT DO NOT DISMAY ..... THIS WAS THE SAME SITUATION IN OUR HOME FOR MANY YEARS .... I PRAYED AND PRAYED AND PRAYED FOR MY IN-LAWS AS DID MY HUSBAND PRAY THE SAME WAY ... IT WAS SO HURTFUL FOR HIM TO SEE THIS COMING FROM HIS MOM AND DAD ..... WE MUST TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN PEOPLE ARE NOT IN THE LORD, THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND OR KNOW JESUS' LOVE SO THINGS THEY DO AND BEHAVIORS THEY DISPLAY SEEM JUSTIFABLE FOR THEM ( IT IS HARD ENOUGH TO LIVE IN THIS WORLD AND BE OBEDIENT TO JESUS WHEN WE KNOW WHO HE REALLY IS & WHAT HE ACTUALLY DID FOR US ) I WILL LIFT YOUR SITUATION TO THE LORD AS I AM A PRAYER WARRIOR .... THE LORD TELLS US TO "PRAY WITHOUT CEASING ." 1THESSELONIANS 5:17.... THE MOST IMPORTANTTHING IS THAT YOU ARE WALKING WITH THE LORD..... THAT IS THE MOST WONDERFUL THING FOR YOU , YOUR MARRIAGE AND YOUR OWN FAMILY..... TRUST IN THE LORD AND KNOW THAT HE IS A SOVEREIGN GOD WHO HAS AN EXACT ORDER FOR EVERY SINGLE OCCURANCE, GOOD OR BAD. IF YOU WOULD LIKE SOME ENCOURAGEMENT YOU CAN READ MY BLOG AND DO FEEL FREE TO COMMENT .... I AM ALSO FROM PENNSYLVANIA (THE NORTHEAST SECTION OF THE STATE ) HAVE A NICE DAY .... P.S. YOUR BLOG IS LOVELY

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  6. Thank you so much for your encouraging words!! I know they are not saved. My husband and I are actually getting baptized into our new church this weekend. They are the type that go to church maybe once a year and NEVER talk about God, but then she will have a birthday cake for Jesus on Christmas? I have been praying about the siutation. Not so much for us to have a relationship, but for them to be saved because they have a lot of anger just in general. To be honest, they scare me around my family. I have never met people who are like that and I worry about my family picking up dangerous habits/actions. Thanks for praying for the situation :)

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